I Love Them All

Today was such a sweet day, I don't want it to end.  Perfect vacation day.  Slow beginnings, delicious food, beloved companions, magical walk in the Pioneertown Mountain Preserve.  Rest and respite after the long haul of the show (will do a blog on this one) and moving out of my place (this, too?).  I want what's next, but I don't want to leave this.  Isn't that the most amazing of gifts -  the wanting to be exactly where you are?  That has not been me.  Years ago, I read something by Melody Beattie in one of her books on co-dependency about one of her favorite crazy-making games: no matter what you do, you should have done something else.  I thought I was the only one who did that!  It's a foolproof method of ensuring that no matter what you do, you're wrong.  It works really, really well if you want to make yourself insane, guilty and/or ashamed.  Can we stop now, please?  

In the morning, we're going to get watsu'd by Kim Hartz .  She's amazing.  That will make it easier to leave.  So will the snacks I got for the road.  This weekend I'll spend Shabbos at my daughter & son-in-law's (and my adorable 4 month old granddaughter) with the family.  Then everyone disperses.  I go to Santa Barbara to meet with my beloved dream group.  Then off to Atlanta to visit my elderly father and to Cincinnati to visit my son and daughter-in-law and my four little grandchildren.  I'm working on letting go, on not grabbing the good or the bad, but my heart is in so many places.  If I were to write a poem about it, it would start like this:

I was born with two names/That should have been a clue/that two places would call at once.

It would end like this:

I love them all.