Bubby Soul Repair

Bubby is a Yiddish name for grandmother.  When my eldest son became religious at 18, I knew grandchildren would be a part of my future, but I had no idea how profound the effect would be.  One of my least favorite platitudes is that "grandchildren are the reward for having children".  I am more in love with my children than ever.  In some profound ways, I had taken them for granted when I was married to their father.  When that foundation cracked, deeper relationships with them emerged over time.  What surprised me about having grandchildren is that I love being Bubby so much.  It answered my lifelong longing for my own grandmothers -- Esther Sheyndl and Etja, both murdered at Auschwitz, very likely within weeks of each other.  Their absence was the hole in the center of my life. I was sure as a child, that all would be well if only I had a Bubby.  And you know what? It was true! My childish reasoning had been correct. The horror and trauma that kept them from me, would not have existed. Other stuff would have up for working through!

Grandmothers can fill a unique, essential role.  I don't love my grandchildren more than my children, but as a mother, I could not separate my identity from my children's.  I needed them to reflect my ok-ness back to me. I'm still working on that!  Not so with grandchildren.  They need only to exist.  That is true Cosmic Harmony. Your purpose is the meaning of your existence.   My grandchildren have taught me how to appreciate their parents.  To be grateful just that they exist.  Such wise little ones! (Bubby brag!)  Of course, it's not the only way to learn Cosmic Harmony. We each have unique paths towards wholeness.  For me, though, being a Bubby is soul repair  from losing my own.