Breaking the Spell

I woke up today feeling like a spell had broken.  When spells break, what's underneath is laid bare like stripping off a layer of old paint.  I have been under the spell of negative self-talk, inner voices that question and re-question every thought or move until there's nothing left of drive or life or chi. Those voices are like pesticides that indiscriminately kill everything they touch. They are so familiar, I'm used to mistaking them for truth.  (Casinos are a great place to study spells.  The lighting, colors, sound, etc... make the players feel like night and day don't exist) When I was in sales, they told us someone had to hear or see something 9 times before they were receptive to buying.  Can you imagine how believable the voice is that tells you the same thing over and over for years?  If you didn't believe it the first 1,000 times, you're sure going to believe it the next 9,999,999 times. Unfortunately, that may not even be an exaggeration.

My mother (z"l) was a superstitious woman and a devout one.  She believed in God with her whole heart and she also believed in the Evil Eye.  When someone said something that 'brought the evil eye', she would press her forefinger and middle finger, palm outward, to her closed lips and spit three times through them, "tu, tu, tu", to break the spell. 

The practices that I've studied, Embodied Imagination, dream work, Continuum, psychotherapy, all have tools to shift perception about truth.  Mindfulness is another helpful practice. These are the general steps, not necessarily in this order: 1) Slow down, 2) shift the channel from thought to sensation 3) suspend belief that the mind's story is absolute truth 4) know that the moment will pass.  That sounds a lot easier than it is in a moment of panic, or rage or pain.  My mindfulness friend suggests practicing in baby steps when feelings are at a 2, not a 10.  I like that.   

And, maybe Mom (z"l) was on to something.  Saying "tu tu tu" to inner demons, as well as the outer ones, is a good way to stop believing they have all the power.